7.16 - The One Where Brad Sucked

Brad, what is up with you?

Brad: Stupid clam chowder...and Zen! I swear...

Well don't blame Summer's awesome clam chowder for you getting manipulated by your own child.

Brad: *super scowl*

Lana: I don't like it here...

Danika: She's literally just a kid, would you chill? You could flatten her if the game mechanics allowed for that.

Lana: The operative sentence being the last, dear little sister.

Danika: Hey, if we go by lifespan I'm older than you, and you interrupted me.

Lana: What do you want? Just get to the point.

Danika: Crush her by words.

Zen:...Father. Hi. Wanna play?

Mariska: Yeah, I smell bullshit.

Brad: Don't come near me! Demon! Demon!

Zen: I'm just your little daughter. Cats!

Mariska: SO MUCH BULLSHIT. But seriously, wtf is that smell?

WHY ARE ALL THE KIDS AWAKE? It's 3am! Brad, why are you awake?

Brad: Fulfilling my needs takes a long-ass time.

NOOOOO

I am not in the mood for this!

She JUST put Mercy in the highchair.

Brad: I will never sleep now, will I?

Mariska: You think I'm gonna feed her? Ha, sucker.

Summer: WOOOOoooooooOOOOOW LIGHT

At least there's no possibility of a surprise alien baby.

Lana: Yeah. I have yoghurt.

Mercy: For me?

Lana: Of course. Our mother is off sexing aliens so...I gotta do this.

Mercy: Doing what to aliens?

Lana:...Well, let's just call it probes.

Mercy: Can I PLEASE just have my yoghurt?

Mariska: So the smell was me...am I the bullshit now?

Please. Stop with the stupid.

Zen: Oh. A little one who will never grow up. A morning delight.

Danika: Ha-ha, way to try to own me. I'm not Brad though, and I'm tougher than Felix. You're not going to do anything.

Zen: I'll accept that offer.

Danika: Do whatever you will.

Zen: I'll have you sobbing.

EW.

Wouldn't this be the thing to piss you off, Brad?

Brad: *possessed* Not at all! I like it! I REALLY REALLY LIKE IT.

Lana: Mum is still off with the aliens, so...whaddya need?

Mercy: Potty!

Lana: Joy.

Zenobia: I will now befriend my homework! It's a bit of a nerd, but I love it!

Lana *shouting from the other part of the hallway*: Try less hard, dipshit!

Zenobia: A dipshit, I'll show you dipsh - I mean, what does that word mean? Maybe the homework will tell me...

Lana: STOP USING INSANITY AS A COVER!

Zen: Yay pencil! Fly into the sky with me...Dani, oh wise one, do you think that's possible?

She really is going right for the insanity shield.

Also, she's adorable. Too bad she's not the same on the inside.

Summer: WOW. I hurt everywhere.

Summer: Seriously. So much pain.

I took the picture like this because I noticed that when they do yoga, it actually keeps their socks. I like that.

Lana: I no longer like you Mercy. Thanks to you, this room is now disgusting.

Mercy: I grew up like four hours ago and you expect me to know how to do this? This is on you, sissy.

Brad: Ha, she can sass people already.

Lana: Quiet, Dad, and same with you, Mercy.

Lana: I ought to decapitate you all with these plates...lazy slobs.

Brad: Hehe...hey, chowder, let's stay very still and pretend we didn't hear that.

Chowder: So you like me now, huh? I don't forgive you. STAY AWAY.

Brad: Come on...

Chowder: STAY AWAY.

Lana: Aha, you're getting rejected by food.

Zen: So. Lana and Mariska are like four feet taller than you now, and they are almost adults.

Danika: I know, and I also know what you're trying to do.

Zen: How does that make you feel, oh dead one?

Danika: Stop it!

Zen: You challenged me. I won't back down.

Felix: So. There's a new one. How will she survive?

Mariska: Not very well, at this rate.

Mercy: Uhhhh...your femur is in my face...

Summer: You two. Lay off the one child I like.

Felix: Don't worry! For once I'm not being personally attacked, Mother!

Mariska: Oh, Felix...

Dahlia (having crashed the funeral): HA! Can't have me now, Ismael. Makes you regret throwing me away for an oldie!

Ismael: I'm sorry, who are you again?

Yasmin (waiting in the car): Dahlia, if we're going to a funeral, we're going to get some blood from these suckers. Jeez.

Brad: I am a SPORTY TIGER.

GO TO BED. It's 8am!

GAH, toddlers.

YOU GOT OUT OF BED BY YOURSELF.

Mercy: But I had a nightmare...the aliens were eating everyone! They invaded the house and drugged our food and started eating us! But not me. I was flying and I lived. But the rest were all gone...

Mercy: The blocks help...

Angelic trait FTW. Instead of wailing and being annoying, she channeled her sadness and disturbing dreams into skilling.

She has also never refused to skill or thrown food.

FELIX.

DO YOU SEE THIS? His job starts in less than two hours!

BARD BRAD. My score is low enough! GO TO HELL.

Brad: I thought I was going to work!

Your adorability isn't going to work this time. I'm annoyed at you.

Brad: Adorability can't go to work!

Grr.

Mercy: I have to sleep with my eyes open now...that nightmare...

It does sound pretty horrifying.

Mercy: No one knows my pain.

The kids are back...

Zenobia: HISSSS! THE VOICES.

Danika: Yeah, OK. I really feel bad for you! Totally insane.

Lana: FIIIIIIRE

Mariska: Auntie Dahlia did what at a funeral? God, this family is embarrassing.

Felix: I know, right? Everyone should just be a little more like me.

Lana: SHUT UP FELIX.

Zenobia: YOU INCOMPETENT, ARROGANT, YET WORTHLESS LITTLE BOY.

But before Lana could go in the house, this has to happen.

Lana: HAHAHAHA-

Danika: See. I make people happier. ZEN.

AND THIS.

Lana: OH MY GOD. Oh my...GOD.

Zen: I'm literally doing nothing.

Danika: For once. Zen, go to Hell. Lana...just get in the house.

Promotion for Summer! She's on Level 9 now. 

Mercy: Yoghurt...

Felix: Curious, righ - OW! Oh, my brain. I'm losing memories as I speak.

Mercy: Knowing this household you might not want to keep too many of them.

Summer: LOL yeah.

Violet: I'm that one kid of Summer C's you knew forever ago. I was shown one time. Wanna go out?

Summer: I don't swing that way...

Violet: I do!

Summer: Aren't you married?

Violet:...Unimportant details, hot blue chick. Let's get to that restaurant and make sweet...uhhhh...

Summer: Can't think of one?

Unrendered Felix: MAWP

Get off Mercy's bed!

No-one cares about your story, Ronen.

Summer: Food! Stop TALKING.

Ronen: Girl, I am not food. Get back to whatever barn you were born in.

Summer: Now you've done it.

Nina what. No-one here even knows you.

Lana: And who are you?

Nina: I guess I'd be your...Aunt?  I'm your Auntie Nina, child! And I'm DEAD.

Lana: O__O *quickly hangs up*

Ronen: Whoa that's freaky as shit. Do it again.

Summer: Shut up, FOOD! I am a GRAND MASTER. How have my powers failed me?

Ronen: Uh...do you need a hospital or something?

Summer: Away with you!

Summer: For story purposes, this is a memory loss thingy.

Ronen: Will do!

And to make things worse, this idiot was the only townie walking around. THE ONLY ONE. Now I have to invite someone over. Thanks a lot, RONEN. 

Venkat: Do I even get a-?

Summer: No. You do not get a line or an introduction.

Summer: Wheeeeee!

Venkat: OhGodI'mgonnadie

Summer: Chill out, my dude! You'll wake up soon.

When I was looking through Summer's relationship panel (to invite someone over for food purposes), I saw this. LOL. It's a glitch, but I like to think it's Summer's way of remembering (and begrudging) Toddler Felix's terribleness. 

Mariska: WHO DARES INTERRUPT MY SLEEP?

That would be Mercy.

Mariska: Right, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

Mercy: D: Verbal abuse!

Felix: Must do sit-ups, so I can vanquish the baby!

She woke EVERYONE up. -__-

Brad: I FUNCTION

What the hell kind of disease do you have? *shudder*

Also, -5 for PASSING OUT LIKE AN ANNOYANCE.

Mariska: What do you things even do? Seriously, in the future just shut her up and KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME WHEN I'M SLEEPING.

Uni: We can't even MOVE, weirdo.

Blarffy:...Why do we get all of these EXPECTATIONS?

Dino: *cries*

Summer: So. I fought a duel for two hours and this is an acceptable prize? Hey, plant. You better grow into something cool.

Cowplant Seedling: Oh I will...I will indeed.

Quinton: *tortured glare* I bet you didn't even miss me.

-__- Stop fishing for approval, you know I totally missed you, Q.

Brad: Jeez. It's HER.

Dahlia: So I'm now banned from Ismael's house...

Brad: I don't need your life story.

Dahlia: Tough luck, you're getting it.

Mariska: You better stay in that stinkin' bed this time, child...

Mercy: I dunno, the nightmare images could return...

Brad: LOL I'm about to pass out again.

BRAD YOU SUCK.

*fistpump*

+15!

Ohhh the positive points feel GOOD.

Dahlia: *sniff* *shakes head* What heartless monster could do this?

That would be your late granny Ida.

Quinton: Hello, Zen! I guess you're Summer's latest child.

Zen: Unfortunately not. My little sister, Mercy, was born shortly after I grew into this child form.

Quinton: Well, tell your mother congratulations-

Zen: I will not, ghost man who saddens me. Seriously. You raised my mother. You're definitely not hot shit.

Quinton: Well I am a celebr-

Zen: You were a celebrity. What are you now? Your light has faded.

Quinton:...I'm done.

Felix: DIVORCE!

Mariska: Well, maybe...Mum did have an alien orgy and Dad's face is all saggy nowadays. Plus he's sucking hard at life.

Felix: Must hide from the DIVORCE!

Mariska: Or maybe it would come from their sadness at making you.

Felix: HURTFUL

Mariska: I know :D

F off game, they didn't take any.

Felix: Woo! Birthday!

Summer: It's 4am and no-one cares, Felix.

Yet another crazy one. This also puts Felix in the running for heir (if I decide to do a poll; honestly, there is one kid I'm favouring a LOT right now).

Though Felix's aspiration will be fun. I had a lot of fun when doing it with Wanda.

In terms of facial genetics, Felix is a male version of the twins. Yay -__-. As you can see (or maybe not see because I tried to hide it when choosing his everyday clothes) he has the weirdest body ever. He has these skinny limbs, tiny narrow hips and weirdly high pecs. It took so long to find clothes that flattered looked halfway good on him. 

Eat a sandwich, Felix. Eat many.

A proper look at Felix's weird and skinny body. He has good muscle tone though, so that's a plus.

Felix: What? I'm just eating...

Yeah, but you should have eaten something that is NOT THAT.

Felix you suck.

And EW why does the cake look like this? WTF are my graphics? Does this look like excellent quality cake? Because according to the game, that's what it's supposed to be.

Zen: HAHA, guess what. Felix grew up too.

Danika: DAMMIT I HATE YOU FOR REMINDING ME. That stupid idiot progresses in life while I am stuck like this! AHHHH! AH.

Zen: Screaming isn't crying, but it works for me.

Danika: GAH.

Lana: I heard you succumbed to the demon.

Danika: But FELIX. He grew up! It just makes me MAD!

Lana: You look playful.

Danika: I died from laughter I ALWAYS LOOK PLAYFUL.

Felix: What's up with you?

Mercy: OH MY GOD IT SUCKS SO MUCH

Felix: Aren't you supposed to be angelic?

Mercy: Angels have their weak points.

Glass: And your weird body, lol.

Mercy: I've been here for two hours...SOMEONE GET ME.

Brad why do you suck so much? Ageing up into an Adult does not mean that your functionality has to go to shit!

FELIX NO.

Felix: FELIX YES - OW I burned my haaaand!

Serves you right. Cooking with no skill, while uncomfortable...I oughta smack you.

(At school, where they somehow know what's happening)

Lana: I'll do it!

Mariska: Nope, that job has my name written all over it.

Danika: Please, I'll be suffering him longer than you, give me this opportunity.

Zen: Aren't you too short and tiny for that, dead one? You'll never fight Felix.

Danika: SHUT UP!

Felix: Everything worked out!

It shouldn't have!

Felix: And that's because we're dealing with Me the Awesome over here!

One, as if, and two, come up with a better title for yourself.

Lana: I'm burning again. -__-

Why is the VAMPIRE always the last person to go inside?

Mariska: So when I get good at cooking...I can produce fire like that? AWESOME. I can't wait to scare everyone with it!

Zen: Danika, you will CRY one day, I tell you that! Despite your playful ghost-ness...you will feel truly sad.

Zen: SCREW YOU.

Danika: Screw YOU!

Zen: Why me? You can't even use a spoon right! Are your little ghost fingers really that bad, dead child?

Danika: Have you even smelled yourself lately?

Zen: ANSWER ME.

Danika: ANSWER ME!

...OK.

Mercy's needs are tanked (THANKS BRAD) sooo...it would be real helpful if she went to daycare.

Also I love Darin so...

This is Alejandra, Madeleine's daughter, so Summer's second cousin.

Zenobia: Get your butt out of my shoulder!

Alejandra: Missy, I was here first. Get your shoulder out of my butt!

Summer: Stop embarrassing us, Zen.

Alejandra: Being part of this family is embarrassing enough.

Summer: Right?

Alejandra: I married this guy though...

Barrett: Hey BIN! No, stop with the picture, stop with the pictures, I know I'm snazzy but-

Summer: Oh honey.

Zenobia: Dead-end marriage, trapped with pregnancy? It sucks to be you.

Summer: Zenobia shut UP.

Norman: What's this word?

Dusty (lol): That's a kid's book, Norman. You're seventy years old, figure it out.

Summer: The man himself.

Darin: You didn't tell me you'd be bringing your family...

Summer: If I do, the baby gets free daycare.

Alejandra: Aren't you worth like half a million?

Zenobia: Yeah, we're freeloaders. At least I'm not married to a man who loves the dumpster more than me.

Alejandra: He loves me, and it's none of your-

Darin: He's barely touched you in three years, Alejandra. I'm still not sure how you got knocked up.

Summer: Oho, Darin, you are such a bitch. I love it. Let's catch up.

Zenobia: I like this guy too, Mum. What's his weakness?

Darin: Don't have one.

Zenobia: Impossible...

Susanna (child of Alejandra): Wheeee!

Dusty: Take one step closer to me and I will slap you to the ground.

Norman: How do we even know this child?

Dusty: *sigh* She's your brother's child. *shakes head* I suggested we live with him because I was so sure he'd never get married!

Alejandra: Screw you Darin!

Barrett: Who are you again?

Darin, Zen and Summer: HA.

Alejandra: Oh God it's like making out with a fish. I mean, what I imagine making out with a fish would be like. OH IT'S DISGUSTING.

Darin: *sarcastic applause*

Summer: So how's it going, being the Sim-world sex symbol, Darin?

Darin: Ever since your friend Aahana got married and had four kids...well, it's been quiet. And I like that.

Mariska: *whispers* Hey, Zen, ten bucks says that Mum did that man.

Brad: What?

Zen: You're on. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't've touched her. She's the Barrett to his Alejandra.

Summer: I HEARD THAT.

Darin: And I heard that! Don't you dare compare me to Alejandra, child!

Lana: So whose son is this?

Roy: Um, I'm actually Darin's husband-

Huh. Age gap.

...That's all I feel like saying.

Brad: You look wonderful today!

Summer: Thanks, dear, and you don't need to compete with Darin over there. I was one of the few people to keep it friendly.

Zen: More like you were forced to.

Summer: Y'know-

Alejandra: I can't believe I'm saying this, but don't go near your father!

Felix: Heh, yeah, I got muscles, bro.

Alejandra: - he spends all his time with our dumpster, it's NASTY.

Darin:...Alright kid.

Summer: Excuse that, Darin. My son does try to be a bit of a comedian sometimes.

Zenobia: Oh you all sadden me. Flowers help!

Brad: You. You suck so much.

Felix: No, you suck.

Summer: Honestly, you've both pissed me off today...

Mariska: Mmm. I can feel the muscle. I won't become a creep like Aahana, but I'll treasure this memory.

Darin: Ew! Get away! I'm so done with this I'm AWAITING my elder birthday.

Zenobia: Best part, Darin? That's my sister, and she's like...sixteen? You feel like a right creep now, huh?

Darin:...Tbh yeah.

Mariska: I present the dumbassicus, in grown up stringbean form!

Felix: I am not amused.

Summer: What did I say about being embarrassing?

Mariska: Hey, I'm doing what I do best.

Felix: I hate you all. I just wanna impress this muscle guy and-

Zenobia: Give us the truth about you and Mr Day, Mum, or I'll tell Dad-

Summer: Shut up. I'm not going to be blackmailed by an eight year old.

Zenobia: Hey Da-ad! Mum was with Mr Day, a while ago, and still she pines. You'll never live up to that ideal, Dad. I don't know why you try. Mr Day might not be eternally young, but he has muscle tone.

Brad: I know I shouldn't listen to you...HOW CAN I LIVE UP?

Summer: Nice try, child.

Brad: *whimper*

What the fuck is this?

THEY LIVE TOGETHER WTF GAME.

Summer; Oh my God. NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.

Zenobia: Mariska PAY UP!

Brad: *sniff* Really?

Summer: Stop being so insecure. Aren't I the one with the jealous trait? I love you.

Mariska: Just get $10 out of Felix's back pocket!

Zenobia: Yeah, k.

Felix: My money-!

Brad: REALLY?

Summer: Did I marry you and have five kids with you or not?

Brad:...You did.

Summer: Good. Now stop being an idiot and you might get some when we go home.

Felix: Didn't want to know that...

Darin: *sadface* I regret inviting them over so damn much...

Well you're in luck, we're leaving. People (i.e. BRAD AND FELIX, who suck) are getting tired and I do not want anymore pass outs.

Katelin (really?): DEMON.

Summer: *doesn't care, has blood*

Mariska tries the slide...

Mariska: OW, MY NECK - my WRISTS! AH MY CROTCH! What is that pointy thing?

Summer: WHATTHEFUCK-

Summer: Much better.

Summer: *mocking* Ohhhh, salmonella! Those idiots will be fine. Screw the saltimbocca, I'll just slam the raw cuts on a plate and-

NO.

Summer: I DON'T WANNA COOK.

You're TH, DO EET.

Zen: Hi!

Lana: *slaps head* You're the devil, I don't want to talk to you!

Zen: You're the devil! You're a VAMPIRE!

Ashby had her late in life baby; so did Zara (Del's kid).

Tonya had a kid too but she's still YA so...not a late in life baby.

WHEN DID YOU ALL GET PREGNANT?

And I just got a notification saying you're almost OLD, Stefanie. Thank God your husband is eternally young and can look after this child.

And this is just a random townie, but I'd like to point out that she IS OLD. WHAT THE HECK, GAME?

It was then I realised this chapter needed to be cut off here, because of timings and that. Next time, Lana and Mariska grow up (they grow up so fast!); so does Mercy.

Score Sheet- 20

Single Births (20) +100

Twin Births (4) +40

Aspiration Tiers (64) +320

Aspiration (8) +80

Grade A (6) +30

Randomising everything for 1 gen (3) +30

Not using spare's satisfaction points (4) +40

Every 100,000 simoleons (4) +80

Immortalise TH (1) +5

Pass Out (95) -485

Self Wetting (27) -135

Fires (10) -100