Djibouti: Hey! I'm sad! HEEEY!
Sigh. You literally were born one second ago, but then I guess he's still traumatised from being kept in Elin for three days. I mean, yeesh.
Last time, Az grew up (prematurely; I broke the rules, but I am making up for it later!), got himself an awesome, slightly terrifying girlfriend, Maranda, Elin conceived and gave birth to twins, and had WooHoo with Count Straud after he broke into the house.
We are now going to Straud's house to conceive baby E, which will knock off the Vampire, Premade from FH and Coffin categories.
Elin: Come on, let's have freaky sex in your coffin-thingy. I popped out the kids; we'll totally fit.
Vlad: Excuse me, but only the VAMPIRES can initiate that sort of thing.
GAH. WHY.
Elin:...Fine, f*ck it. You're still two categories. Bed?
Vlad: Well...yeah. Of course.
Elin: Last one for a while, hell yeah!
Yeah.
Elin: *looks around* Do I have to go back home now?
Yeah.
Elin: *sigh*
At home, Cam is outside, playing on the tablet.
Cambodia: Is this all I'm going to be doing in pics?
Looks like it, dearie.
Az and Elin have a really high friendship bar, probably because they talk all the time while doing their respective computer ish.
Az: *reading over shoulder* You did what-
Elin: Hush child. Watch the master at work.
Az: Ayyy, that's what Maranda said when-
Elin: Abahbah- NO. You say anything and I will force you to watch one of my sex tapes.
Az: *traumatised into silence*
Elin: So how to get Gunther to believe this one is his?
Az: So that's what you were doing all morning.
Elin: SO it's none of your business. Now help me plot.
Az: *sigh*
Elin: That's the worst plot ever, Az.
Az: Ugh.
Yes, your mother's a ho, dearie. (And seriously, if that was an option, Elin would have sex tapes with everybody. Especially the married ones. Blackmail and that).
In the end, Elin did what she did last time - screw him and pretend it was this WooHoo that knocked her up.
Gunther: THERE'S A LEAF IN MY ASS
Elin: STOP WHINING
Bosnia: OK. F for first finger. S for second...no, that's not right.
...
Bosnia: Am I interesting?
Not really.
...she says to a married son.
Mila, do you know something Gunther doesn't know?
Gunther: Huh?
NOTHING.
What the shit.
I know my graphics aren't set THAT low.
Cam: I'm fuzzyyyyy...
Cambodia: Winner coming through!
How did you-
Cambodia: Win? You'll see.
Gunther: Psh. I let her win. *chokes on plaster*
The next morning...
Bosnia: Taco taco, you're the one! The one who loves me...the only one.
Bosnia I do love you you're just boring rn.
Elin: This is not a job for out-of-this-world evil. This is a job for her husband.
This is me telling you to A) Deal and B) stop referring to yourself in the third person.
Elin: ELIN DOESN'T GIVE A F*CK
Y'know...if you're going to be rude I could always make this a 100BC instead. I'm up to 84 in another AU. One woman. Do you want that, Elin?
Elin:...I'll clean Cam's shit now.
Good girl.
Elin: *gives me the middle finger in her head*
Gunther: HOW DID YOU GET KNOCKED UP AGAIN?
(Yes, I changed her shirt)
Elin: Takes two, asshole.
Gunther: Huh?
Bosnia: Woo! Go mum! Cheat on Gunther!
Elin: Shhh child. It's just a friendly intro.
Elin: Wanna get busy at some point?
Akira: Eh.
Elin: Good enough!
Bosnia: *narrows eyes*
Elin: He's adorable...and mine. I have a way, you see.
Not with that face.
I would have thought someone like Elin would have a more violent reaction to someone slapping her ass.
Meanwhile, Gunther writes.
Cam: These eggs are AMAZING.
Elin: Oh goodie, he didn't go outside yet.
Akira: *leaves in mouth* Whuh?
Elin: My husband?
Akira: *splutters*
Elin: No, it's OK honey. I'll call you when my first kid moves out.
Maranda has come over!
Az: Hey love...person.
Maranda: Az, if you don't cut out the sap crap, I will castrate you myself.
Az: *whispers* You're soooo like my mother.
Maranda: Seriously, I'm wondering if you actually like your dick.
Maranda: Much better.
Gunther: *sigh* Not again.
Az: I'm going to wait until my moronic stepfather leaves the wall. Like literally-
Maranda: The wall of the house, Az, I know you're being a smartass. But I agree. He's a mood-killer.
Elin: Away, spirits! I best even you! Back to the book, now what did Matt say when I hung on the ceiling, swung like Spiderman, with a knife...
Maranda: So is that.
Az: I think that's kinda awesome.
Maranda: Stop.
Maranda: You're gonna drop me.
Az: Naaahhhh
In the house, Az asks Maranda to go steady with him.
Az: Be my girlfriend?
Maranda: I owned you already.
Of course, this is the EXACT MOMENT Bosnia barges into the conversation and makes it 'awkward' because she sucks.
Bosnia: I thought you loved me.
NOT WHEN YOU'RE BARGING IN ON AZARANDA.
Wtf game. Toddlers shouldn't have phones.
And Bret, Elin was a bitch to you and you know it. But props for trying to be civil around your kid.
Bosnia: END THE SUFFERING
Sorry hon. You're almost at level 9, and then it is just a short jump to 10 from there!
Obligatory 'EVAN DO YOU NOT HAVE A F*CKING CLOCK' screenshot. (It's actually like 9.15 so he's getting better)
Also a bar? For shame. Secondly, you have a daughter. I personally think the pigtails are a giveaway but hey. You do you.
Elin: *singing* Hush little baby go to sleep, or I might have to bring out my jacket spikes again...
Djibouti: Cool.
Denmark: So he gets two appearances and I get none? What sorcery is this?
Shut up, you two are growing up in the morning and then you'll get a few appearances.
Maranda has twin baby siblings, who will most likely stay babies until I bother to age them up, as I have ageing off.
Aw, poor Cam.
She needed a bath, Gunther had to wake up and socialise with her anyway, lol.
Cambodia: *slaps* I'M MAKING FRIENDS
Oh look, her hand is going through the plate.
Laffy-taffy Bosnia.
Bosnia:...but now we're stretched out.
(Sincere apologies, but I could not resist)
Az, you make more mess than Cam, and she's like two. What gives?
Az: Mfrhufm?
Just don't eat in front of your girlfriend.
Sorry Akira. We don't do dates. Elin is more of a meet-and-bang type.
Elin: Entirely your fault.
Shhh.
Literally the first non-salty Marcus contact w/ the fam.
Gunther: Why do I have to do this? See the tip of my plumbbob? It's ORANGE!
Stop your whining and age up the boys. It will take like one second.
Djibouti: Hold me, I'm scared.
Gunther: *sigh* You can do it, child.
Denmark: You are lame.
Djibouti is clingy and Denmark is wild. They're also not made over yet; bear with.
Djibouti: Hugs!
Denmark: Alright then, loser. *secretly loves his twin*
Gunther: Ugh, happy children.
Stop being such a bitch, Gunther.
Gunther: And yet you like my wife.
I repeat: stop being such a bitch, Gunther!
Vikram: Yep, let me just wash up here Elin, and we can get ready for our rekindling...
Elin: Hehe, married now, Vic.
Vikram: *doesn't care, still would*
Really? WHY in the world is he here?
Elin: Um...I let him in? Gunther's being a bitch right now!
THEN PICK A GUY HE KNOWS ABOUT. Like Evan. Or Marcus.
Elin: Um. Marcus is too salty and annoying, and Evan is nocturnal.
Ugh, you win. But seriously. GET HIM OUT.
Elin: Can't. The option's not there.
Fffff-
Vikram: Not what I had in mind. But hey, spending time with my kid far outweighs needs of the flesh!
Denmark: This man is LAME.
Well, he's un-lame enough to actually come over here. Instead of constantly haranguing Elin for dates (Marcus), calling at 10pm to take his kid to the club (Evan) or not doing shit (Bret).
Aww.
Denmark: You're not the worst.
Vikram: Thanks, child.
Denmark: It's Denmark.
Vikram: *muttering* What the...Maybe it was a good thing I quit that.
More like she quit you, Vikram.
Djibouti: Waah! The only thing that loves me is this dirty plate!
Shut up Dji, we all love you. Now go and grab that half of a grilled-cheese; it's on the floor.
Djibouti: YOU DON'T LOVE ME
Well you're being like this...
How about no. Why the f*cking shit would that even happen?
Bosnia: Hi! My name is Bosnia, people who like me call me Bos. Maybe you can be the first. You haven't met me yet because I've spent my whole childhood so far chained to skilling objects!
Gael:...
Side note: Both Bosnia and Az got As today! So Az will be moving out in six days, and Bos will be ageing up in three.
Grandma Mila is over.
Mila: What?
Elin: -wait until you hear this, M&C, my mates! The knife was this big, and he cried for that long!
Just make the f*cking food. The toddlers are hungry.
Mila: That kid of yours, Cam-whatsits, she kind of looks Chinese...you sure she's yours?
Gunther: Of course! Me and my wife love each other!
Thanks for going back to being that gloriously
Mila and Gunther: What was that?
Djibouti: Cam's bed is the best place for dinner!
Way to be an a-hole, Dji. Seriously, I just sent her there. Well fine, she gets your bed now.
Djibouti: NOT FAIR
CAN IT DJI, does it seem like I care? There's three of you little buggers; I just want you all to stay alive.
IT'S THE OLD MAN CHILD.
Mack: Well hello there, young Miss.
Mack, I am older than you, can it. Bosnia, say hi!
Bosnia: Do you even see me right now? My needs are TANKED! I'm going the duck home!
Mack: Not to worry. See, you noticed me too late, and I'm leaving the area, so there are no interactions available anyway.
UGH.
Vikram: Here for my children forever and always.
It's 1am, but as long he doesn't try anything with Elin, I really don't care if he stays. He does look after Denmark and Dji though, so that's definitely a plus.
Bosnia: Is he gonna be Mummy's second husband-slave-dupe thingy?
Nah. He's just glitched and can't leave.
Bosnia: That sounds like-
Not the same thing, Bos.
Bosnia: Does he have to sleep in our room?
Afraid so.
Lilith Vatore, f*ck the f*cking f*ck off. You're not a potential dad, so there's literally no point you being here.
Lilith: What can I say, baby needs blood.
What can I say? Actually, I think 'f*ck the f*cking f*ck off' made my point quite well.
Lilith: Did you not hear me? Baby needs BLOOD.
Elin: Hey bitch don't you dare-
Lilith: Relax, I'm not gonna try brainwashing you. You have the most bitter blood in Sim-manity, you evil shrew. However, this little morsel... *blasts Gunther*
Elin: Oh. Well I don't care then.
Lilith: Thanks.
Gunther: *mumbling in sleep* Love you El...
Lilith: HA! Does he think the Chinese-looking one is his?
Elin: Mmhm.
Lilith: Impressive...
Gunther: *still sleepy* Elin? Is that you? Are you trying to bite my neck off or something?
Lilith: No silly! Otherwise you'd be dead and we wouldn't want that!
I can honestly see how he'd get confused. I mean, she even has the baby bump.
Bret is the new Marcus. Great.
WTF Vikram, this isn't even your kid.
Time for the Vlad kid!
Compare and contrast.
Gunther: IDGAF, seen it all before.
Elin: This is my best kid yet.
Why'd you say that?
Elin: Because we both think we saw a bat sign as I was birthing him? So he could be a vampire? That's cool?
HELL YEAH THAT'S COOL
Meet Egypt, baby E and possible vampire.
That's it for this chapter; next time is just going to be, well...time passing. No more kids for five Sim days, so yeah...that's all.
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